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闲扯空间非日记 12月3日 再无大卫He came, with this smile on his face, sparkling eyes that seemed they wanted to say something, and sat down by her side. He said nothing special but the most common greetings; she smiled back at him, couldn´t say anything but looking at those shining blue eyes. She must have been dreaming! He broke the silence and talked about the coincidentally meeting last week. Coincidentally because they never met except it was planed for. He talked about how ridiculous the demonstration was, lacking of organization and seriousness. He talked about it in such an unpersonal way that her concentration was totally misled and she could only recall the scene and say I agree. But she was still straight enough to comment that his new look was pretty and ask how his girlfriend or former girlfriend was doing. She discovered that they broke up when she left the job some time ago. I must have been thinking too much, she thought. It´s nothing but a coincidence just like last week.
There was the time when they met quite often- but never privately. There was nothing between them that couldn’t be seen or told. However she was never a coward to show it directly to any men she found interesting. She dared to look at them into their eyes, she dared to observe them publicly. She never really cared what others said or thought. So did she do it with David. Actually after that only one time, she never felt nervous again in his presence. She just observed him. Observed him whether he also had an eye on her. But he did it so cleverly that she never found out anything. I must have been thinking too much, she thought. But his eyes, oh those shining blue eyes, they could melt me when they stare at me.
There came this chance that all of them went together to a party. The bar was so empty that one could count the people in there. She was the last one arrived so she took the chair at the edge of the circle where people sat. He came. He saw her coming and took another chair to sit down beside her. At one moment she even felt proud. Proud that the best-looking boy consciously chose to sit by her when his best friends above all female friends were there. She felt the curious look from the people but the silence of him too out of the loud music. Suddenly a stream of indignation raised and replaced her pride. Why did he always choose a place near me and say nothing? Nothing but only meaningless words. Her pride was deeply hurt because she never experienced being interested in a man and not being interesting for him. What was worse, she couldn’t even tell if he was interested and when yes, she couldn’t grasp the moments he showed it either. How could I be so stupid and cheap? She almost abused.
Then there came the day that they had to meet again. All of a sudden he showed his joy seeing her coming. She realized that things relating to him were just out of her control and she had to accept it. He even said that he was happy to see her again and being her friend. She was surprised and at some point disappointed. She was not sure if it was a welcome signal that he called her friend. Fortunatelly that was a very busy day so she didn’t have enough time to think it over. Days went and came, they met and parted and nothing had essentially changed. And then came this moment, which she hated from then on. It was a common joke they made when two Davids sat at the same table. They joked that she was such a good friend of David that she almost stuck to him. But it was not the David whom she wanted to stick to. And she couldn’t find any word to joke back. If only he had ever dropped her any hint! But he just sat there and looked at her, with those mysterious eys which could make her faint. He said nothing and didn’t even give a smile. He should have known that they were joking! She thought. But she never knew what he was going to play.
She was leaving again. Everybody knew it. There would be the last chance on the ball if anything was ever going to happen between them. She was excited. She didn’t know herself whether she really wanted something to happen. I just take those memories with me when I’m gone if nothing happens tonight, she thought, and it may be not that bad because it won’t hurt at least.
This time he came too late. And this time he didn’t sit down beside her. He didn’t even waist any time to greet her paying attention. Instead, he flew around like a butterfly, talked and laughed, made jokes and flirted with every girl. Every girl except her. It hurt so! It hurt so that she could cry out loud. It hurt so because she didn’t know how she should interpret his behavior. Was he doing so because he was jealous of David? The wrong David? Or was he doing so because he really didn't care about her? She was so confused. She knew she looked even prettier that she attracted the attention of many. But most of all she wanted to hear something from him. And he said nothing. He just walked here and there with his sunglasses on drinking alcohol and she couldn’t find out if he ever looked at her. Or only looked at her the whole time. But her eyes never stopped following him. How good he looks! She thought, and this is something that I never had before, trapped only by the appearance of a man, by his eyes, by the way he looks at me. Unexpected like always he came to her back and almost touched her, they went together to hear a song or two. She felt kind of safe when they sat beside each other, but neither did he look her into the eyes nor give her that caress she had dreamed of for so long. They went separately and met again in the corridor. He made a loud whistle as he caught her around the corner but she ran ahead without answering anything. She was too proud to go the first step without hundred percent knowing been running after. She kept on talking and dancing with others. She deserved her fun. But despite all the fun she had that evening, she felt emptiness. The later it was, the more alcohol they drank, the more distance there was between them. He came out, she went in, she came out, he went in. He rather sat or stood towards her than beside her. He had fewer to say than he already did. But he looked into her eyes. He looked into her eyes that made her want to cry. What was he thinking about? What was he trying to figure out? Why didn’t he talk to me? What if it was all my imagination? She couldn’t stop asking these questions although she knew it was no use. Because time was running up and she was leaving. Taking those memories with her or leaving them there behind, there was no difference. Because she knew from then on there was no more David. 11月30日 生日我二十六岁了。妈妈说时间过的真快呀！是的，这样的感慨似乎随着每一个生日都会更加深一层。 但是比起十年前的花季，又似乎，很多并没有改变。曾经的憧憬、向往、热爱和理想，似乎没有淡去，反而更强烈了。我依旧那么热爱生活。我知道，我是幸运的。虽然现在的生活很辛苦，很艰难，可是我知道，命运没有不公平的对待我。相反，我充满了感激。我充满了感激，从小到大，没有一个生日是一个人度过的。我知道，我听说过很多人，没有这样的幸运，总有这年那年，没有人陪伴。可是我，每年都收到很多祝福，收到很多礼物，很多思念和牵挂。小时候有家人，爸妈没时间的时候，舅妈也一定要给我过生日。后来有同学，有爱人，有朋友，有同事……让我在每一个生命中新开始的一年，都感到温暖。我知道，仅仅为此，我就是幸运的。仅仅为此，我就应该坚强、勇敢、努力下去，为了我的家人、亲人、每一个关心我的人，我爱的人。 9月19日 第三个邀请【译自我的第一本书】 大课中间我的手机震动了起来。第一反应：”拜托！谁这个时候给我打电话呀！“看了下屏幕：来自B国的N。第二个念头：“居然还是她！” 请原谅，不是我不近人情，可是当我不想被打扰的时候，我是不会接电话的。我很了解自己，我是一个很难开口说不的人。 N和我相识于2004年。她对我来说是那种虽然同住在一个城市却连擦肩而过都少有发生的人，也就是说如果不是有急事绝不会想到让对方知道自己是死是活的人。 我差点把她都给忘了。 当然了，当这类人突然从生活中又冒出来的时候，你可以肯定，她是一定不找到你不罢休的。 “恩，我还不错吧”——你真的是想知道这个么？——“有什么事？” “W，我很郑重的邀请你。” 不是吧？这已经是这个星期的第三个邀请了。其中两个挤在同一个晚上让我已经够发愁的了。关于这个我刚跟J聊过，事情总是这样，不是全部挤在一起就是死水一潭。我就奇怪真当我晚上没事一个人在家里坐到要发霉的时候这些人都到哪里去了。 “请我？？为什么呀？？？你过生日吗？还是乔迁了？不要告诉我你已经毕业了呀！” “W，我跟我男朋友要结婚了。” 外面在下雨。每次只要我骑车出门天就要下雨。然而就像刚才呢，我老老实实的坐在电脑前敲砖，外面的太阳转的不亦乐乎。比下雨更妙的是我的自行车凳是软软的海面垫子，每次下雨之后它就像两年没喝水的骆驼一样一次喝够它下一个两年。为了防止这种局面的出现我特地给它罩上了那个连锁书店的大塑料袋。于是健忘的我几次让我的裤子染上了那讨厌的塑料袋上的绿色。还有什么比这更爽呢！恩，也许还是有的。比如这会子课间我正跟E站在碉堡一样的教学楼外面抽烟等着雨停。我看着我的同学们一股一股的涌进涌出，可突然间除了雨声我什么都听不见了。 “W，我的婚礼定在……天……点。你来吗？你来我会很高兴的！” 这时候我突然想起为什么我有时候形容自己是个“局外人”，很多看上去属于生活中最平常对其他人来说即使不熟悉也绝对不陌生的事情似乎都离我非常遥远。我上一次唯一一次参加婚礼好像还不到十岁吧。时间流逝的让我都忘了还有这档子事。 这时候我突然想起我和N上一次见面的场景——从2005年初至今（好吧，今天我们也还没有见面呢）唯一的一次。就像这个城里绝大部分学生一样我也规律性的去L超市买东西。就像往常一样我的手机总是在最不合适的时候响起来——比如说，排队付钱的时候。 “W，我也在这里面呢，我看到你了！你出去了以后等我一下好吗？” 请原谅，我真是太近人情了。我明明知道自己还没有学会说不，为什么要接电话呢！ 一个非常热情的邀请请我去吃饭。一点蔬菜沙拉，一根德国大肠和面包。简单却也足够了。可是为什么要邀请我呢？ “啊，W，我最近恋爱了。终于恋爱了！他马上也会过来，我一定要介绍给你认识啊！” 那真是我至高无上的荣幸。为了认识那个神秘人物我付出了沉重的代价。眼神不好的我自然没有看见站在走廊和厨房之间的擦的噌亮的玻璃门，厨房里的人只听见一声嘭的巨响，我的脑子里就像一颗炸弹炸开，眼前一片漆黑。鼻子感觉不到了。尽管我努力，却不能阻止自己靠着墙壁滑下去……我感觉自己介于昏迷和清醒之间。混沌之中似乎还跟自己说“这下子完了！” 那个晚上就那样报废了。从此我也再也没有听到任何于N有关的消息。 我的手机又响了。我又一次被详细的告知婚礼的时间地点程序安排。 “真对不起啊亲爱的N，我那一整天都有课，新学期刚开始我绝对不能翘的呀！” “哎呀不是啦N，我一定会来的啦！我自然很想亲自祝福你啦！” “多谢多谢哦N，多谢你邀请我！我都至少十年没有参加过婚礼了……” 天啊天啊，我该穿什么啊！我该送什么啊！ 这时候我又突然想起，她当时是怎么在厨房里像她的室友们介绍我的。 “这是W，她是我一个非常、非常好的朋友。” 我于是非常惊讶的问自己是不是我把朋友定义错了，把好朋友定义错了，把非常、非常好的朋友定义错了。 这时候我突然意识到，我的错误是多么的不可饶恕——我居然差点把我非常、非常好的朋友忘记了。 这时候我突然意识到，我真的是非常不近人情，不仅仅因为我没有学会说不，更因为我不会演戏。我连在电话这头都无法装出一点点惊喜的样子，就好像那个邀请不是发给我的。最后当我终于强迫自己说出那几个字“N，我为你高兴”的时候我无法停止自责，因为我并没有特别的高兴，更没有不高兴。不管怎样这非常、非常好的朋友两年也才见一次，偶尔的短暂的见一次而已。 N说，她的父母不能从B国过来参加婚礼。我明白了，她需要多一点的观众。 理解。 我最好的朋友说，所有女孩都想举行一次隆重的婚礼，不是因为她们如此的想结婚，而是因为她们想一生中的那么一次站在所有人之中成为焦点，被人捧着爱着，做一次公主。 至少N想到了我，不管出于什么原因，我应该谢谢她。 只是那婚礼……我实在不知道我是否有兴趣去“参观”。仪式都不过是过眼烟火，美丽却转瞬即逝。我实在不需要任何再让我对“流逝”感叹伤怀的事情。 试着将某人深深埋在心底吧。如果他对你也一样，那么你就是真正的公主了。 9月17日 怒【译自我的第一本书】 从何而来的怒？ 模糊的印象有很多很多，就像我一直以来努力去回忆的。然而我能仔细回想起的却很少很少，少的以至于我感觉其实什么都记不清了。 怒从何而来？ 我努力控制自己的情绪，可是力不从心。我很失望，对自己失望。对人类肮脏的思想、行为和那些丑恶的面孔失望。 我终究不能控制自己的情绪，因为我对自己失望，因为那些毕竟都不干我的事。因为我始终认为，人应该享受生活，无论好的不好的，甜美的或是丑陋的。至少试着去享受。因为人到头来是什么也带不走的，无论好的不好的，甜美的或是丑陋的。 何苦这样的怒？！ 因为我学会了只生活在这一刻吗？ 因为我学会了麻木自己吗？ 人说，这是一个“好的年纪”。这让我想起我曾经的她在她三十岁生日时说过的一句话。 “这是一个好的年纪。我非常高兴。因为这时候人已经拥有了足够成熟的人生，同时却又足够年轻去重新开始。” 人生只不过是一个过程。一次——怎么说呢——船航。起锚、开航、靠岸。再起锚，再到别处靠岸。不知道从哪里来，更不知道到哪里去。只是不停地航行、前进。偶尔也有可以掌舵的时候，但大部分时候只是随波逐流。随着生命，随着人生，随着一个个未知的激流。有时候只是很想停泊在码头，忙忙碌碌的总是往船上载上或卸下点什么，这样的码头很安详。但是也有时候，是的，也有时候只想不停的航行、往前进。沿着河流，沿着生命，沿着那一个个未知的激流。 这似乎激动人心，让人兴奋不已。还会让人受伤，让人受累，让人突然意识到，原来自己是这么的渺小。渺小的以至于觉得自己其实什么舵都掌不了。 于是人失望了，灰心了，愤怒了。 只想一个人躲起来。一个人享受以为自己希望拥有的其实备受折磨的宁静。人只是不知道，究竟是该继续前行还是就在这糊里糊涂到达的岸边继续糊涂下去。 于是安全感没有了。于是人开始感到害怕。 人觉得不能理解——不愿意去理解——我不是一直坚强的吗？不是已经走了这么远了！为什么突然走不动了，是什么羁绊了我的脚步？ 最简单的解决问题的方法就是不去解决它。 逃避吧。 逃避吧。 逃避吧。 大自然赋予我们的最本能的反应。可是当人已经逃到了很远很远的地方的时候，再往何处去？在条条大道看上去都很宽敞却看不到方向的时候究竟哪一颗星星会给我们指路？ 人觉得受了欺骗。被自己。 当事实只是一个看上去是事实的时候，当所有可能性只是看上去可能的时候，当感情可以伪装、理智可以被利用的时候，当人被迫去相信自己不是那么坚定的信仰的时候，人感觉不到痛，只有心里的那个空洞。就像一只没有瞳孔的眼珠，努力睁大着去看世界，却什么也看不见。在一点点被这愤怒吃掉之前，还是赶紧逃吧！ 那就逃吧。 于是一切又从头开始。不知道从哪里来，不知道到哪里去。不知道在哪里会靠岸。只是不停的前行、前行。朝着远方，向着未知，伴着激流消失。 踏上远行的路，寻找归属。 8月5日 又是一夜不能眠昨夜翻来覆去睡不着，思绪翻江倒海之中又想起前两天的梦，想着想着竟又泪流满面，也许困境之中的人真的很容易想家、容易回忆过去，而漂泊中人更甚吧。 那天早上挣扎着从梦中醒来，在梦里早已痛哭失声的我怎么也回不到现实中来。说来那梦也不完全虚无，所谓日有所思夜有所梦，那梦也是我的心结所至。梦里不知哪位朋友要乔迁，谈及装修事宜请我一起去看看房子。上楼梯时我就有种似曾相识之感，接而看见一扇墨绿色的铁皮门，进门后看见了四四方方的门厅，往右看见了厨房和卫生间，往左看见了客厅和客厅末端的阳台，我呆呆的走进客厅，心里怦怦的跳，然后在我的左手边果然还有一间卧室……我转过头来，问那个不知是谁的朋友，这不是我奶奶家的房子吗？然后又发了疯一样的把整个房子看了个仔细——真的是奶奶家以前的房子呀！我再也忍不住心中的悲痛，看着空空如也的房子，大哭起来…… 说来是梦，却如此真实，一情一景皆在眼前，更真实的是心中的痛和对奶奶的思念。 对奶奶的思念，我似乎没有对任何人说起过，有些情感我总是不自觉的深埋在心底。可是我却经常想起奶奶，尤其我的朋友当中，很多人的奶奶如今仍然健在，每当他们说起，我总是很羡慕。我有时候甚至想，外婆没有见过，外公早逝，爹爹奶奶是陪伴我走到青春期的唯一的老人，而在他们也离去之后，我甚至不知道如何与老年人相处了。他们的身上都刻着最质朴的劳动人民的勤劳善良，一辈子默默无闻，轻言细语，他们曾经的存在和现在的离去也许没有给太多人留下不可磨灭的印象，而我除了奶奶一手清秀的小楷和她总是布满花的阳台并没有太多值得炫耀的谈资，可是她却是我最亲爱的不可替代的奶奶。 奶奶说话从来不大声，即使生气的时候也多是叹气和摇头。我的记忆里奶奶从来没有骂过我，反倒经常夸我会给她帮忙做事情。唯一一次我记得她批评我，是姑姑和伯父一家都在的时候我倒在沙发里劈开两腿坐着，虽然那时候我甚至连小学都还没有上，可是奶奶仍然轻轻的却很严肃的对我说，小女孩子坐着要有规矩！我当时不懂得其中原委，只觉得她当众批评我我很难堪，后来渐渐明白，因为她是大家闺秀出身的奶奶啊！ 外表瘦小的奶奶在我心中是一个坚强的人，虽然她的喜怒哀乐不形于色，加上我那时候年纪小，根本不知道奶奶心里都想过些什么，可是她那始终回响在我耳边的两句话多少能让我感受到她的无奈和沧桑。一句是叹子孙的“唉，这孩子啊……”一句是叹爹爹的“唉，这老头子……”。唯一一次见到奶奶哭，是在爹爹的追悼会上。爹爹并不是突然去世的，我想奶奶心里早已有准备。爹爹去世第二天我去奶奶家，看到奶奶正坐在门厅里的饭桌边，低着头，努力不让我们看出她并不平静的心情。我看到桌上的碗里还有东西，问奶奶吃过了吗，她仍然低着头没有看我，嘴里轻轻的说，“这是爹爹昨天晚上吃剩下的，就吃了一两口……”。追悼会上如果我没有记错是姑姑和妈妈搀着奶奶的，十三四岁的我对于死亡说懂也懂说不懂也不懂，第一次看到奶奶流泪，我还是不知所措。我记得我似乎什么话都没有说，因为不知道说什么。 一年以后奶奶也走到了人生的尽头。自从上初中以后去奶奶家就很少了，可怕的教育制度和所谓的省重点中学成了我生活的全部重心，在爹爹奶奶疼了我十几年之后没有在最后那些时间里多陪伴他们是我心中永远的遗憾。将心比心我想奶奶那时候一定非常想念我们孙辈。最后一次见到奶奶是她去世之前几天，那时候姑姑已经接她去家里住了，我去的时候她坐在姑姑家的沙发里，虽然她很瘦小却还是深深地陷了进去。一些时候没见她奶奶的衰老让我不禁愣了一下，她依旧垂着头，两眼暗淡无光，皮肤褶皱的不像长而是随便的搭在了瘦小的骨架上。奶奶见我来了还是强打起一点精神对我咕哝了些什么，可是她原本就不大的声音这时候更小更含糊不清了，我一连问了三遍才听明白，然后就差点不能控制自己。奶奶原来是问，“我现在样子很难看啊，没有吓到你吧……”。我坐到她身边，挽着她的手臂说，“不难看啊，你怎么会吓到我呢！”…… 那便是奶奶对我说的最后一句话。当死亡离奶奶咫尺之遥的时候我可以强作镇定挽着她的手给她一个微笑，可是在那之后心中的悲痛却日益剧增。尤其最让我内疚不已的是至今不曾去给他们上过坟，我这个情深意重的孩子怎么可以如此不孝！中学的时候考大学胜过一切，上了大学便离开了家，两次回国总是时间有限应酬无限，一晃十几年过去，我居然还不知道奶奶的坟在哪……怎能不让我痛哭流涕！虽然我无数次的在梦里去他们坟前磕头。我知道奶奶不怪我，最多只是轻轻的叹一声“唉，这孩子啊……”，因为奶奶从来不会怪别人，可是我知道她一定在天上看着我，盼着我早日去她的坟头报平安。 7月25日 虚伪的德国人题记 这篇文章我已经酝酿了很长很长很~~长~~时间，每每想动笔的时候总要先努力压制自己的愤怒，结果压着压着就乱了头绪，怎么也写不出来。今日大气沉稳，想必是时机成熟了。谁知时机成熟了也不好，越写越长，真对不起读者啊。
从刚来德国的时候说起吧。那时候被语言学校安排住私房，语言学校里面主要是东欧和亚洲的学生，亚洲学生当中不说自然也是中国人占大多数，所以在大家互相不认识的时候当然是国人一起租房。国人的一大喜好便是打麻将，虽然我不会，但也不会干涉喜欢打的人消遣。我们那栋楼里有两个中国学生宿舍，顶楼那套四个全是男生，我们这因为有我和另外一个女生，所以绅士的中国人就把顶楼的男生宿舍当做了聚众喧哗的根据地。每每惹的邻居来敲门抗议。最初我们觉得闻所未闻，也许是因为习惯了国内时时处处的噪音，从来没有听说过邻居来抗议的。然而更闻所未闻的还在后面，一日周末楼上惯例聚众打牌，凌晨一两点钟突然门铃急催，大家都以为出了什么大事，开门一看，果然是大事，门口站着穿着绿色制服的警察！里面瞬间一片肃静，警察叔叔面无表情的说，请你们马上结束娱乐活动恢复安静，你们的邻居已经忍无可忍了。大家一片哗然，靠，德国警察是不是吃饱了撑着没事做，居然还管这种事情，老子就爱打麻将怎样，谁让你们自己房子不造结实隔音效果不好，我们背井离乡的人在寂静的夜里还得忍受你们轰隆隆的床声，是不是也该叫警察？二话不说继续打，邻居也不客气，没过多久穿绿制服的人又来了……
我秉着入乡随俗的精神，在这里跟德国人和非中国人的外国人打成一片，用不了多久就有个惊奇的发现，在这里的外国人几乎没有喜欢德国的，留在这里多是“迫不得已”（迫不得已的原因后面再说），这也是可以理解的，毕竟不是家乡啊！可最奇怪的是，最不喜欢德国和德国人的是他们德国人自己。最简单的例子，德国人是世界上最喜欢度假的人之一，地球上巴掌大的角落都有他们的身影，唯独德国境内是他们度假最后的选择。我所有接触过的德国人中间没有一个像我一样到过德国的每一个州和直辖市，他们听到都觉得不可思议，问我有什么那么好玩啊？晕。很多人生长在西边连东边邻居是谁都不知道，更关键的是他们没有兴趣知道，他们宁愿为其他国家旅游事业的发展做贡献。所以他们在世界各地除了个别国家和地区都非常受欢迎，谁让他们有着大把的钞票和信用卡呢！即使没有大把，欧元兑换一下也成了大把。
这个热衷国际旅游带来的后果就更好笑了，跟咱们很多人的抱怨一样，他们每每出游总是抱怨哎呀怎么到哪里都那么多德国人，到处都听到人讲德语！再晕。你难道不是其中一员。但是他们比中国人可要嚣张，中国人长时间致力于改善自己的国际形象，比如在国外不乱吐痰不高声喧哗之类，而他们则是朝这个方向发展，大概也是秉着入乡随俗的精神，而且贯彻实施的非常好并引之为豪成为谈资，比如说买盗版产品，闯红绿灯，大声喧哗，醉酒……所以我始终认为，那所谓的论中国人素质高低的讨论是没有理由的，因为这根本不是素质的问题，而是制度的问题，中国人的素质从来不比任何欧美国家的差，或者说，西方人的素质不比咱们好，只是他们有一整套强大有力的制度在制约人们的行为，而一旦他们不在制度制约范围之内的时候就会“原形毕露”。
再举一个简单的例子。百度上面形容我所在的城市明斯特是田园风光与古老城市并存的绿色大学城。没有错。这是一个犯罪率极低的城市，城市里几乎就是大学生，高官，服务业人员和失业者。几乎可以说是德国的绿洲，白天后背上的包不拉链子也很少出现问题。然而就是这样一座城市，却有着估计德国第一的自行车盗窃率。自行车盗窃已经疯狂到了能偷车子就偷车子，不能偷车子也要偷车篮子、铃铛、锁链、坐凳……只要拿得下来取得走的就能被偷。偷的已经疯狂到了你偷我的，我再去偷他的，他再去偷别人的……真不知道是否有一天，你被偷的那辆车子是否会被你自己偷回去。而且什么叫偷啊，简直就是拿，顺手拿。看到有人不注意，顺手就推走（亲眼目睹）。天黑四周没有人，拖着就回家（多次耳闻目见）。自行车被偷在这根本就不是新闻了，司空见惯，没被偷过的我还没听说。
偷就偷吧，偷去好歹还能为己所用，还有一个让人能够想象的动机，比这更恶劣的是破坏。说出来都让人难以置信，这就是所谓发达国家著名绿色城市发生的事情。我曾经住过一条街，是很多人晚上聚众喧哗去迪厅的必经之路，那条街两边都是居民楼，所以下面自然很多自行车，那时候每个星期三和周五周六的保留曲目就是这些寻欢作乐的人从街头到街尾将所有停放的自行车全部推到，甩到路中间，要么就是拔气门，更绝的是剪断钢丝！我住顶楼，每次都是听到持续的轰响跑去窗口看，那些人总是大笑着逃之夭夭，自行车排山倒海壮观的景象真是让人瞠目。玩到后来这样他们都不过瘾了，想出了更绝的。德国垃圾要分类，每个居民楼后院都有不同的巨型垃圾桶，这个有必要描述一下，这些垃圾桶一般有一米四高，一般长宽近一米，也有大型的估计长一米五，是给整楼人扔垃圾的，每个月居民轮流值日将它们推到街边然后第二天清晨环卫人员来清空。装满垃圾后可想而知有多重。而就是那些吃饱了没事做的人，居然在他们去party的路上将这些站在街边等着第二天环卫人员来清空的垃圾桶统统推倒到大街上！其恶心程度可想而知。要知道这还需要很大的力气甚至技巧。实在让人瞠目更结舌。由于都是晚上或者半夜，而他们做这些都是“顺手”，所以当居民听到响声跑到窗口看再报警都已经太晚了。直到后来警车专门在那附近徘徊，事态才有所好转。可是无法好转的却是每个周末满大街的香烟头，碎玻璃和其他各种垃圾。德国人喜欢喝啤酒，大概更喜欢摔啤酒瓶。他们周末出去party都有先在家里喝点酒的习惯，然后自然也是手拿酒瓶在街上到处晃悠，喝完了“顺手”就将它砸了。看着瓶子摔成碎片听着那哐当一声，他们大概有无尽的快感吧！是啊，在这样一个制度近乎完美的地方被管了太久的人确实是需要发泄的。恩。
不知道为什么德国人在世界上享有准时、勤劳、工作严谨等等赞美之词，最奇怪的是有这些“幻觉”的远不止中国人，到这的外国人时间长了才发现都上当受骗。就拿准时来说吧，这个第一次引起我的注意是一个老师推荐我去给一个在大学做项目的教授翻译一些东西的时候。当时下大雨，我还不知道具体地址，骑车哼哧哼哧找了半天才找到，教授出来见我第一句话就是，“你好啊！真准时！真是典型的中国人！”我当时就傻了，不是吧？不是都说中国人爱迟到么。于是我回答说，好像国际通认的是德国人准时吧？他反问我一句，你觉得呢？我一想，是啊，就拿学校来说吧，开课时间都是x点15分，而不是正点，就是为了让学生有充足的时间不迟到，可就是这样，正式开课还是经常要到20分。这个教授一定是深有体会啊。他告诉我，他接触过的中国人是最准时的。我真是自豪啊。看来这德国人准时一定是相对于西班牙人和法国人而言的（拉美那种就不需要比了），到咱们面前还是要称臣。
勤劳是咱们中华民族的美德，不知何时用在了德国人身上，我倒宁愿是我记错了。因为这德国人好像也没有怎么特别喜欢工作啊！倒是不喜欢的很多。就连在我们看来理所当然的一周五天40小时工作制，他们都能全民讨论好长时间，到后来我连媒体的报道都懒得追踪了，结果上次听一个朋友说他的合同是39.5小时。靠，至于吗。怎么会造成他们勤劳的假象呢？制度啊制度。你不在工作状态，就不给你钱，计时精确到十五分一算，出去抽烟吹风的时间都要扣除，爱财的德国人怎能不受此利益驱使！资本主义真是残酷啊，还是社会主义好。可是出去吹风的时间谁给你算啊，当然是自己算，你看人家多自觉。是啊，不自觉怎么行，同事的眼睛都是雪亮的。这大概就叫互相监督吧。可是这互相监督的结果是什么，经过我长期的多方面的打工经历总结下来，在这种制度下“吃亏”最大的是咱们这些怕惹事的外国人。因为我们天真的相信了他们的制度和这个制度的力量（因为有和自己国家的比较），岂不知“作弊”是天下人的通病啊。我仔细的观察记录过，就在我过去的德国同事当中，绝大部分都有作弊历史，而且很多都是雕虫小技，比如借上厕所的时间去抽烟（因为上厕所是不扣时间的），或者碰到熟人说说话让别的同事继续干。还有那些占小便宜的行为，比如拖几分钟下班，这样就归算到下一个十五分，等等。当然他们不知道我也没有比要点破，我只是想证明一下他们的素质不过如此而已。倒是我的外国同事，经常很大方的省去最后的几分钟的记录，也许他们觉得，“这是我们应该做的”。
德国人有句话形容他们的同胞叫“高水准的抱怨”，形容的非常恰当。什么意思呢，比如咱们农民过去种地只能望天收，天不下雨他们抱怨吃不饱饭，这估计只能算低水准的抱怨。而德国是世界前几名的发达国家，生活水平世界一流，社保医保福利相对于世界大多数国家来说都相当的完善，在我们这些第三世界国家的人看来他们最多只抱怨一下明斯特老下雨就算了，然而实际情况如何呢？从刚到德国我就有这样的印象，他们几乎随时随地对任何人为鸡毛蒜皮的小事都可能抱怨！我觉得这些人怎么要求这么高啊，不懂知足长乐么。而且都是一副老子常有理的模样，真不知道说话的人跟其他人区别究竟在哪里。几年后居然不出我所料（对此我又大大的自豪了一下），（可惜我忘了出处）欧洲一个国民幸福快乐感的普查显示，德国人倒数第一！是啊，从非洲人到美洲人，我就没见过比德国人更容易不满意的。连那半个小时都如此斤斤计较，如何快乐的起来。很多外国人开玩笑说走在街上会心情不好，因为看到的人都是绷着脸，没有笑容，不知道什么事情让他们这么痛苦。不知道，但是可以想象啊。肯定其中有人跟我一样，去宜家买厨房，其中的折腾和手续就不说了，送货上门以后发现最重要的灶台缺了。打电话给宜家，宜家说送货的是另外一个公司。哦，好的。送货的人说我们公司总部在别的城市。哦，好的。再打电话，说总部还没有消息，你等着吧。再打电话给宜家，宜家说因为你找了送货公司我们就没有记录这件事了。奶奶的我虽然是小人物却也是读过书的（知识改变命运啊，哎），我一怒之下给双方都打了电话，我说这个事情很严重，浪费了我很多钱和时间，我很生气，我要找消费者协会了，你们等着赔偿吧。半个小时之后来了个电话说，灶台马上送到。靠，真是骆驼。话说回来，法治社会就是不一样啊。你想以大欺小，也得有法律撑腰才行。
国人说过，要师夷长技以自强，师夷长技以制夷，长期以来，我就是牢记这两句话，身体力行。小人物也好，外国人也好，再大的人也要生存在制度之下。只要有制度的保护，我就不怕你。所以当我的邻居肆无忌惮的深夜大闹的时候，我也会毫不客气的叫警察！谁让你们的房子盖的不好呢！ 7月14日 Elvis Presley / My WayAnd now the end is near
So I face the final curtain My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case of which I'm certain I've lived a life that's full I've traveled each and every highway And more, much more than this I did it my way Regrets, I've had a few But then again, too few to mention I did what I had to do And saw it through without exeption I planned each charted course Each careful step along the byway Oh, and more, much more than this I did it my way Yes, there were times, I'm sure you know When I bit off more than I could chew But through it all when there was doubt I ate it up and spit it out I faced it all and I stood tall And did it my way I've loved, I've laughed and cried I've had my fails, my share of losing And now as tears subside I find it all so amusing To think I did all that And may I say, not in a shy way Oh, no, no not me I did it my way For what is a man, what has he got If not himself, then he has not To say the words he truly feels And not the words he would reveal The record shows I took the blows And did it my way The record shows I took the blows And did it my way 7月6日 【转】Lisa Marie Presly's official letter after MJ's deathHe Knew Years ago Michael and I were having a deep conversation about life in general. I can't recall the exact subject matter but he may have been questioning me about the circumstances of my Fathers Death. At some point he paused, he stared at me very intensely and he stated with an almost calm certainty, "I am afraid that I am going to end up like him, the way he did." I promptly tried to deter him from the idea, at which point he just shrugged his shoulders and nodded almost matter of fact as if to let me know, he knew what he knew and that was kind of that. 14 years later I am sitting here watching on the news an ambulance leaves the driveway of his home, the big gates, the crowds outside the gates, the coverage, the crowds outside the hospital, the Cause of death and what may have led up to it and the memory of this conversation hit me, as did the unstoppable tears. A predicted ending by him, by loved ones and by me, but what I didn't predict was how much it was going to hurt when it finally happened. The person I failed to help is being transferred right now to the LA County Coroners office for his Autopsy. All of my indifference and detachment that I worked so hard to achieve over the years has just gone into the bowels of hell and right now I am gutted. I am going to say now what I have never said before because I want the truth out there for once. Our relationship was not "a sham" as is being reported in the press. It was an unusual relationship yes, where two unusual people who did not live or know a "Normal life" found a connection, perhaps with some suspect timing on his part. Nonetheless, I do believe he loved me as much as he could love anyone and I loved him very much. I wanted to "save him" I wanted to save him from the inevitable which is what has just happened. His family and his loved ones also wanted to save him from this as well but didn't know how and this was 14 years ago. We all worried that this would be the outcome then. At that time, In trying to save him, I almost lost myself. He was an incredibly dynamic force and power that was not to be underestimated. When he used it for something good, It was the best and when he used it for something bad, It was really, REALLY bad. Mediocrity was not a concept that would even for a second enter Michael Jackson's being or actions. I became very ill and emotionally/ spiritually exhausted in my quest to save him from certain self-destructive behavior and from the awful vampires and leeches he would always manage to magnetize around him. I was in over my head while trying. I had my children to care for, I had to make a decision. The hardest decision I have ever had to make, which was to walk away and let his fate have him, even though I desperately loved him and tried to stop or reverse it somehow. After the Divorce, I spent a few years obsessing about him and what I could have done different, in regret. Then I spent some angry years at the whole situation. At some point, I truly became Indifferent, until now. As I sit here overwhelmed with sadness, reflection and confusion at what was my biggest failure to date, watching on the news almost play by play The exact Scenario I saw happen on August 16th, 1977 happening again right now with Michael (A sight I never wanted to see again) just as he predicted, I am truly, truly gutted. Any ill experience or words I have felt towards him in the past has just died inside of me along with him. He was an amazing person and I am lucky to have gotten as close to him as I did and to have had the many experiences and years that we had together. I desperately hope that he can be relieved from his pain, pressure and turmoil now. He deserves to be free from all of that and I hope he is in a better place or will be. I also hope that anyone else who feels they have failed to help him can be set free because he hopefully finally is. The World is in shock but somehow he knew exactly how his fate would be played out some day more than anyone else knew, and he was right. I really needed to say this right now, thanks for listening. ~LMP 6月30日 Dirty Diana
这首歌描写的是为了名利四处追随摇滚明星 利用肉体达到目的的姑娘 视频打不开的可以在youku上搜索
You'll Never Make Me Stay
So Take Your Weight Off Of Me I Know Your Every Move So Won't You Just Let Me Be I've Been Here Times Before But I Was Too Blind To See That You Seduce Every Man This Time You Won't Seduce Me She's Saying That's Ok Hey Baby Do What You Please I Have The Stuff That You Want I Am The Thing That You Need She Looked Me Deep In The Eyes She's Touchin' Me So To Start She Says There's No Turnin' Back She Trapped Me In Her Heart Dirty Diana, Nah Dirty Diana, Nah Dirty Diana, No Dirty Diana Let Me Be! Oh No . . . Oh No . . . Oh No . . . She Likes The Boys In The Band She Knows When They Come To Town Every Musician's Fan After The Curtain Comes Down She Waits At Backstage Doors For Those Who Have Prestige Who Promise Fortune And Fame A Life That's So Carefree
She's Saying That's Ok Hey Baby Do What You Want I'll Be Your Night Lovin' Thing I'll Be The Freak You Can Taunt And I Don't Care What You Say I Want To Go Too Far I'll Be Your Everything If You Make Me A Star Dirty Diana, Nah Dirty Diana, Nah Dirty Diana, No Dirty Diana . . . Dirty Diana, Nah Dirty Diana, Nah Dirty Diana, No Dirty Diana . . . Diana! Diana! Dirty Diana! It's Dia . . .Aa . . .Aa . . . Come On! She Said I Have To Go Home 'Cause I'm Real Tired You See But I Hate Sleepin' Alone Why Don't You Come With Me I Said My Baby's At Home She's Probably Worried Tonight I Didn't Call On The Phone To Say That I'm Alright Diana Walked Up To Me, She Said I'm All Yours Tonight At That I Ran To The Phone Sayin' Baby I'm Alright I Said But Unlock The Door Because I Forgot The Key She Said He's Not Coming Back Because He's Sleeping With Me Dirty Diana, Nah Dirty Diana, Nah Dirty Diana, Nah Dirty Diana, No Dirty Diana, Nah Dirty Diana, Nah Dirty Diana, Nah Dirty Diana . . . Come On! Come On! Come On! Come On!... |
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